I was in Los Angeles for work a couple days ago, and I can't tell you how glad I am to be back. I'm not going to rant about the city itself, but I'll admit that the little slice of downtown where my boss and I go several times a year isn't a very happy place for me. I'm trying really hard to get over what gets into my head every time we go there, but so far, I've been unsuccessful at dealing with some pretty nasty feelings that surface every time we make a trip to LA.
We go to Los Angeles to buy clothing for the boutique where I work. All day long, we're working in showrooms surrounded by representatives of clothing lines and buyers from other boutiques located all over the west coast. For the most part, these reps and buyers look a lot like one another: long, straightened blonde hair; lots of make-up; some plastic surgery on the face, lots on the chest; tight, revealing clothes; crazy high heels... you know, like your average gal from Portland. Ha! My boss and I stick out like sore thumbs while we're there. If I put on ChapStick I feel made-up. You may remember that the last time I was there I split the butt seam of the pants I was wearing, so I wore my pajama sweat pants for an entire day in the showrooms. We are not your average fashion market attendees.
Anyhow, the strange thing is that even though I'm not fond of the look that is so prevalent at the fashion market, even though I'm really turned off by processed hair and plastic surgery, even though I like a down-to-earth, natural look, once we've been at the show for a few hours I always start to feel really bad about myself. Which is crazy. Crazy. I know. On a daily basis (when I'm not in LA, at least) I think about the fact that I am so content with my life. I think of how lucky I am to have the amazing family that I have, to have a job that I like, to live in an awesome city, to be healthy and strong. And in the list of things I value most, how I look (or how anyone else looks) doesn't even come into play. So why is it that when surrounded by women who are actually visually unappealing to me, I start to feel so bad about myself? Huh? I need a good shaking. Can you relate?