11.28.2007

Undone

Check out this sad Christmas tree in the park near our apartment. It's finally been topped off, but man, it was in a pathetic state last week. I know how this guy must feel.

Long-time sulu-design blog readers know that when I resort to Original Intent posts for a week straight, something is up. Something - actually some things - are up that have been occupying my thoughts a lot recently, making me unable to focus on bloggy and crafty pursuits that I'd like to be working on, especially at this time of year.

Nothing big or catastrophic has happened, and I'm not facing any serious life-altering decisions, but I've got a lot of nagging debates going on in my head right now:
To stay or to go?
Urban apartment or more space in a house?
East coast or west coast?
Stress-free job or job with social relevance?
Back to school or back to teaching?
To blog or not to blog?
Oh, and the futile process of hunting for boots big enough to get over my wide calves isn't making things any easier. Boo, hoo for me. What a troubled life I lead.

The fact that these issues - some silly some not - are taking up brain space now, when I want to be thinking about cookies and garland and wreaths and presents is irritating me all the more. So for the next two days (my weekend of sorts - that's how it goes when you work in retail), I'm pushing all of those thoughts aside and putting on some serious Christmas cheer. I've taken the handmade holiday pledge and Barry and I plan on making most of the gifts we'll be giving, so I'm off to get my creative juices flowing. I'll be back soon... and I'm laying off the Original Intents for a while. Thanks for bearing with me.

34 comments:

Bonnie said...

Suzy--I have found that the J Crew extended calf boots are wonderful! Those might be catalog only (and admittedly the pair I have is a few years old now).

Unless you mean winter/snow boots. Then I am no help.

--Bonnie

erinn said...

I have the same calf problem with boots. I have found that boots made by Impo work for me. And they are cheap too. All plastic...but comfy.

Artsy Momma said...

I have had those mind block days, weeks, heck I think I even had a month where my head was just elsewhere. Dont worry about us, we will always be here when you are ready to come back! (We'll miss you though while you are gone!)

meg said...

oh - i'm glad you posted about the boots - i just had to sell a new pair of campers on e-bay 'cause the didn't fit...

good luck w/the rest and happy merry-making!
xoxo

mariss said...

That poor little tree! Please don't take any drastic measures and lop off your head ;) Just teasing.

Hang in there, I think you guys will figure things out. In the meantime, how about treating yourself to some extended calf boots!

andrea (scout) said...

a few things:

1. i am a terrible friend for not having written you back yet. but i will attempt to remedy that with an email and a special invitation.

2. breakfast date soon i hope.

3. we saw that tree last week and thought the same thing. poor fella. it sort of looked like he found the holidays a little too exhausting and stopped halfway for a cocktail.

4. target. for boots, hands down. they miraculously fit over my calves (with room leftover for tights and socks!)and were ridiculously cheap.

5. whoohoo for the handmade pledge! i'm with you on the making front.

i'll be thinking of you and hope the weekend of christmas-y things works it's magic. :) xoxoxo

artisticblend said...

Good Luck Susan. I hope your creative time will help relieve your stresses!!
The best of holiday wishes to you!
C-

Karin said...

I'm just having the same thoughts... I've been thinking, should I take the final leap and just plunge myself into the freelance business or should I go for the job that I sort of been offered... The job would pay quite well but will also include a lot of stress and working overtime and not much time left for being creative.
I can't even feel what my gut's trying to tell me.

I wish you luck in your decisionmaking.

Funky Finds said...

i think we all go through times like you are experiencing. i would hate for you to disappear from blogland! but i understand that we all have to realize when things in our lives need to change or go. i hope you figure things out soon. know that i admire you always!

Nicole said...

Here's some warm thoughts from Texas! Best wishes, and keep your head up! Ciao.

linda p said...

i hear you on all counts! while i love my mostly stress free job, sometimes i feel....well, you probably know how i feel!

one thing i can maybe help with is the boots.i just ordered some great ones from zappos-- they not only fit my wide calves,they're SLIP on- no zipper! :)
http://www.zappos.com/n/p/p/7346364/c/3.html. i have a 2-yr old pair of the jcrew wide calves, and those fit too, although the zipper is getting pretty darn snug at the top.

linda p said...

i hear you on all counts! while i love my mostly stress free job, sometimes i feel....well, you probably know how i feel!

one thing i can maybe help with is the boots.i just ordered some great ones from zappos-- they not only fit my wide calves,they're SLIP on- no zipper! :)
http://www.zappos.com/n/p/p/7346364/c/3.html. i have a 2-yr old pair of the jcrew wide calves, and those fit too, although the zipper is getting pretty darn snug at the top.

Robyn said...

I can relate and I understand. For me, it's been whether I should/need to go back to teaching next semester (someone's maternity leave) and if so, who will look after S. And other things, too. But I'm sure it'll all settle in a little while. If you do what you love and what really feels right, the worries should disappear. Also, I've heard Campers has some good boots for wide calves.

kat said...

Sounds like you have a lot going on... sometimes a little down time helps. I hope your two days of christmas cheer help set the tone for the rest of the season for you :)
I'm sure everything will work itself out! Sending good thoughts to you!

luv Abby said...

ohhh my what a brain bending time you are having. Hopefully the crafting will help with the desision making. I have heard there is a kind of boot that stretches over your calf... you pull it on like a stocking.... they had them on the Racheal Ray show a last year her website might have a link??
happy crafting and holiday making.
luv Abby

ease between notches said...

Well, I'm no help with the boot thing. In fact, I have the opposite problem - skinny little calves (and no, the thighs don't match - think hippo above the knee, chicken below) and I'm forever envious of the girls whose boots fit snugly. I have to resort to several layers of tights and socks. Then I'm just sweaty. Now that I've provided you with such a lovely visual, I just want to say that for the other stuff, I certainly can empathize. I feel like I've been having a mid-life crisis for the past 20 years! Bruce and I just planned a trip around New England for just after Xmas as the next leg of our "we've got to move out of NYC" tour. I'm finding that daily meditation, even for 10 minutes, and a bit of journaling helps me get quiet enough to try and hear the small voices inside that are urging me toward something. Thanks for being so honest, hang in there, and keep listening.

Lynn said...

I used to have that problem with boots, but then I stopped exercising, so now they fit (barely) except now I have other problems from not exercising... oh well. Hope you're able to figure out everything, and I'm sending some crafty mojo your way!

Storme said...

I've only just discovered your blog tis week -- and I was loving the original intent photos! I also have tall-boot-dismay so thanks to everyone for some encouraging links.

Storme said...

I've only just discovered your blog this week -- and I was loving the original intent photos! I also have tall-boot-dismay so thanks to everyone for some encouraging links.

leya said...

hang in there, lady.
sounds like some hot chocolate and some serious, sleeves rolled up handmade gift makin' is in order.

can't wait to see what you and barry create.

shari said...

hi susan.

it's interesting...i am dealing with so many of the same questions right now. wishing you clarity my friend. xo

Sonya said...

Ugh, I hate that. I have suffered what sounds like the same form of questioning and doubt. I am much happier when I have a plan - not everything planned out, but just a rough sketch. It sounds a little like - searching for an analogy here - tugging at a thread or loose bit of yarn, then you notice others and you tug and before you know it everything has some undone. There's a Weezer song in here somewhere. One question, begets another and now - big helpings of flux all around.

Take a blogging break, original intent or crafty makings can act as blog fodder. As far as school - what program. Grad school has become the immediate knee jerk reaction. An expensive one at that. And while I wouldn't trade in my time at grad school or the lovely people I met, when do I use my MFA in Poetry?

Housing-wise, you are in a good location to expand - it seems like Portland is the #1 place people go from the Bay Area to get more space. You do do urban quite well, Ms. Design Sponge featured apartment.

As far a teaching, it is a rare person who teaches continuously in this day and age - less so in an urban environment. And for another thing, it will always be there to return to.

And while I can't answer or solve many of your problems, however, as far as wide calves go, I am the Empress. I just discovered this company www.duoboots.com. I have yet to order myself a pair - spendy and the exchange rate is awful. But I promise it will change your life, just by having the knowledge that somewhere in this mean, cruel and mixed up world, there are fantastic boots that _will_ fit.

Wendee said...

Maybe it would help to know that I've been wearing my new Sulu earrings almost every day since I've received them - with loads of compliments! I love them so!

My brain is feeling the same way - I haven't posted on my blog forever. Soon...

Chickenbells said...

Oh heavens...I know what you mean about the life decisions...it's been a little "intense" in my life as well...I love the word "intense" it makes it seem so much more real...I have the opposite problem with boots...my calves are so skinny things just fall down, and I am often asked (when wearing a skirt)

"Are those your legs, or are you riding on a chicken?"

sigh.

Good luck with all the things fighting for the forefront in your mind my dear...sit down and have some fudge...

emily said...

Eastern Orthodox Christians treat Advent as a fast, similar to Lent. When you said you would take 2 weeks off, it coincided so nicely that it made me think of that (Advent starts this Sunday, well... for the West... actually, I'm not sure when it starts for the East). Anyway, maybe you could fast from nagging questions and worry (sort of my plan!)? It fits the season and the darker days well, doesn't it? The desire to slow down, nest, and watch and wait... Peace peace peace on you, sulu girl. And may you find boots.

amandajean said...

oh, dear, please don't give up blogging!

I sure hope that you can sort out your dilemmas. sounds like you have lots of heavy stuff to figure out. best of luck with all your decisions. sending hugs to you!

shy_smiley said...

The holidays do make it difficult to concentrate on other matters... (I have no advice on boots! but wouldn't it be great if the perfect pair of boots would make all the other stuff resolve itself?) When you're in the middle of it it's hard to see, but in retrospect you realize that all the decisions you make are part of Who You Are. The more experiences you have, bad or good, the more complex and richer person you become. Rest easy and listen (I like the Advent fasting idea); the answers are probably there if you pay attention, even amidst all this holiday distraction!

laundrygirl said...

Hang in there! I know firsthand just how difficult it is to be in the land of the unknown... I too, and attempting to keep with the handmade challenge.

maritza said...

Hey Susan! Take your time, do what you need to do, be patient with yourself. We'll still be here for you. Hope everything works out - it will. *hugs*

casey said...

Aw, I know how harried these little things can be when they all pile on at the same time!! :p Sending you lots of good wishes and thoughts...

Erin said...

Oh Susan I am sorry you are having all those internal nagging debates. You have made some major life changes in the last 6 months so I think it's only normal that you start questioning those changes. Questioning where you are and where you want to be. I think at first it's all so exciting and then reality sets in and we start to question/doubt ourselves. I don't have any words of wisdom for you but I can offer you a big ((hug)) and lot's of encouragement that you will get through it.

I can totally relate to not being in the Christmas spirit. Christmas is typically my favourite time of year and I have my Christmas tunes on in October and the house decorated in November. This year life has gotten in the way. I decided that had to change today so I forced myself to pull out the decorations, put on the music and let the other stuff go. It might just work...I am already feeling a bit Christmasy.

I hope we get to see some photos of all the handmade gifts you and Barry make.

Big Hugs!!!

erin said...

i'm feeling a bit bah humbug myself this year. i have tons on my mind, too. thinking of you susan - and i owe you an email about the half marathon. after the weekend, ok? hugs.

amisha said...

hope that your weekend gave you the holiday cheer you were seeking, and some time for clarity... thinking of you
xoxo

sue said...

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